Train of Thought

Come ride my train of thought with me. It should prove to be an interesting ride, since my train rarely stays on track. You might say that my thoughts have ADD. They easily get distracted and head off in another direction. My wife will attest to that and how it drives her batty :). Why don’t we begin with my wife.

First off I would like to plug my wife’s blog Mama Bear Laurie’s Den of Writings. She is a wonderful writer. Stop by and take a look, you won’t be disappointed. I met her through an online dating site, Plenty of Fish. Being a fisherman it seemed like a good site to try out. Looking back I have to say that the universe had a hand in bringing us together. I kept going back and looking at her picture. I did this many, many times before I connected with her. I also did not look at her height. This was something that I was doing with every other. I was looking for someone who was shorter then me, or so I thought :). Well lets keep the train moving shall we. We eventually met and my world was changed for the better. When we had our first date I was at the beginning of a nasty divorce, I was living with my step-son, I had no vehicle. I had to borrow my step-son’s car to even be able to go on a date. So we had a second date that took place in our vehicles and was interrupted by the police. No it was NOT that kind of date, we just had nowhere else to go. We kid each other that we are still on our 3rd date. She invited me to come stay at her place for the Labor day weekend and I never left :). We will be married 3 yrs end of June and together 5 years end of Aug. She has been an amazing presence in my life. Aside from my daughter she is the first person that I have felt total and unconditional love from. This is my 3rd marriage and my most successful. We laugh everyday, even on the rare days that we argue. She is the first one that the thought of not having her in my life scares me. I know I would survive, but I would never find what we have again. She has gotten me through some pretty rocky times. The divorce I was going through was the divorce from hell. It ended with my adopted twins living with their biological mother (my stepdaughter) and wanting no further contact with me, two years of federal probation and a felony on my record (my ex is a drug addict and I got caught up in that). Anyway back to my wife and one last thing. I call her mocking bird because she is always mocking me but in a joking way. It is one of our fun times :).

The train of thought that started this whole blog actually has to do with compromise and trade offs. My wife and I have made some compromises and trade offs over the past year. Family is super important to my wife and don’t get me wrong it is important to me too, just not to the extent as my wife. Her life revolved around her 5 kids (she was a stay at home mom) and that is something that has not changed now that they are all adults. Her mom was a stay at home mom and I think she gets that devotion from her. My mother was a manic depressive alcoholic and not always there for us and I think that is where I get my let them be adults attitude from. So to get back on track, three years ago we bought an acreage that was a 2 1/2 hour drive from Laurie’s (my wife) kids (my daughter lives in Canada and the twins are in MN). It was just under 5 acres and the house needed to be renovated. We lived there a year and a half. During that time we did quite a bit of renovating in the house and a lot of work fixing up the property. We had chickens and enjoyed fresh eggs every morning. It was so quiet and peaceful. I actually had started blogging about the renovations. It was the perfect place for us considering we are both introverts and really don’t like to be around people that much. At least it was perfect until the kids didn’t start visiting and empty next syndrome hit Laurie real hard. You need to understand that my wife would be perfectly happy with all the kids living with us all the time. At least she feels this way until they do live with us and then she starts needing that time away – it is a viscous cycle. So after giving it a try for a year and half we decided to sell and move back to where the kids are. We sold the house (fairly quickly) and bought a mobile home and moved it into a park in Washington (MO). So now comes the compromises and trade offs. They come in the form of giving up the peace and quiet we so dearly love in exchange for having the kids around. When I say around I mean the youngest, her boyfriend, and new baby (our granddaughter) living with us while they get back on their feet. Child number 4 visits regularly to do laundry, pick up packages, and just visit. We are now watching our grandson (he will be 7 next week) after school several days a week, which means we also get to see his dad, child number 2. Our two oldest both live a distance away so we don’t see them as often. The second oldest we see mainly at family gatherings at my mother-in-law’s. So we went from having neighbors that were half an acre away on either side to neighbors a mere 10 feet away. They are so close we can hear their kids running up and down the hall, with ours and their windows shut. What makes all of this a little harder is my wife’s battle with major depression and anxiety.

So, I have been carrying this train of thought around with me for several days. I am not even sure if I have put it down the way it was rattling around in my head. All I know is that it had to do with the compromises and trade off’s we make in life and especially for those we love. Laurie talks about moving when we have the finances. I know that is something that may not happen for a long time if ever because right now having the family around is far more important then peace and quiet.

Thank you for taking this train ride with me and I hope we didn’t go too far off the track.

Alex

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